


Breathe Me

by ComfySocks



Series: Starry Skies [1]
Category: Marvel, The Avengers
Genre: ...eventually, Anxiety Attacks, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Returns, Dorks, Everyone Needs Hugs, F/M, Hes not okay, Im trying here, Karen Page - Freeform, M/M, Manly Crying, Matt Murdock - Freeform, Other, PROTECT THEM, PTSD, Recovering! Bucky, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Science Bros, Slow Build, Steve missed his Bucky, Super Soldiers, Tears, They all have issues, Tony Stark Has Daddy Issues, bare with me, bucky barnes recovery, bucky comes back, sloooooow slow build, so does Clint Barton surprise
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-12
Updated: 2015-09-23
Packaged: 2018-04-20 07:44:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4779251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ComfySocks/pseuds/ComfySocks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky comes back. Which is a good thing, except it's not. He's terrified, angry, and just tryin to find out who the hell he even is. Steve is going to try his damn best to help. It's going to be a long, bumpy road...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Everything Starts Somewhere

**Author's Note:**

> Bucky comes back.

He was on a mission. A mission to take a very big, dangerous leap.

The Winter--

No.

The Asset--

No...That wasn't right either. 

Bucky. 

That's what the man on the bridge had called him. Except he wasn't just the man on the bridge anymore.

He was Steve Rogers. 

Grant, a little voice in the back of his mind whispered.

Steven Grant Rogers. That's the man he was looking for, the man he needed to find. The man he remembered. Ever since Steve fell into the water, he had gotten pieces back. Not everything. Task oriented things were there; from tying shoes to saving a tiny version of Steve from getting beat in a fight that he would get into, way over his head. Even those were touch and go, sometimes. There were some things that danced on the edges of his memory. Close, but not close enough that he could reach out and grab them. He wanted to, oh, how he wanted to. 

It was when he pushed open the front door to the lobby of the tower that he felt that feeling. He was doing this. He was turning himself over, willing to do anything to just figure out what was going on. He'd seen the headlines: Pierce was dead. Pierce. His last handler. One last time, he'd said. But Bucky failed. Because he couldn't kill Steve. Now Pierce was dead and he was awaiting Hydra. Surely they'd close in on him, wouldn't they? His first few nights after the whole fiasco and making sure someone went after Steve (stealing someones phone for a moment, but hey, it was for the greater good) were spent wondering who his next handler would be. What they'd make him do. He was valuable as an assassin, as a super soldier. 

As a pawn. Around then is when he realized he didn't have to be a pawn. He didn't have to go back to HYDRA. He knew where he had to go. There was a tower in New York. Formerly Stark Tower, presently the Avengers Tower. That's where people said Steve could be found. Either there, or at a SHIELD base. But that was suicide. Any one of those whacko agents would be more than willing to put a bullet in his brain, just for the rights of saying they did. Pierce called them yuppies with guns and tasers. The place was crawling with agents. It'd be suicide, right?

But if he went to the Tower...less security, and that's where intel said Steve could be found. This way, he may have a bigger chance of getting to him before they took him out. Which was bound to happen. He'd killed people. He didn't know how many, but he knew there was a lot and that some of them must have been very important figures. Even though HYDRA had pawned him into doing it, at the end of the day that didn't fix anything. There were still bodies. Bodies that would get their justice. Bodies that deserved their justice...

Perhaps he was signing his own death warrant, walking up to the Tower.  
The first thing he realized was that there's a strange feeling that comes with knowing you're making a life altering decision. Not the stress land the mental tug and pull of deciding, not the adjustment that comes with already having done it, either. No, neither of those. The feeling of when you're actually carrying out the deed. The somewhat empty, but also cool calm that comes with the certainty that you're doing it. The feeling you get the moment it becomes too late to go back, but you don't quite know what's to come...

That was it. That was the feeling. He took a deep breath before pushing the door open, two security guards at either side of the entry hesitating for a moment because holy crap, is that actually Bucky Barnes? Before lunging towards him and pulling his arms back and cuffing him. His right shoulder screamed in protest, still in pain from where Steve had cracked it. His healing was accelerated, but not that fast. 

It was a pathetic attempt, really if Bucky was actually trying, if he was the winter soldier, he could bust either of their skulls before they blinked but he reminded himself that's not what he's doing here. He's here to get to Steve. To talk to him. Who knows if he'll even get that far. It seemed more probably to him that he wouldn't. He allowed them to, remaining silent. A women at the desk gawked at the situation unfolding in front of her before coming back to her senses and typing quickly into a computer and saying something quickly into the desk top phone and hanging up quickly and turning her attention back to the computer again. He watched calmly, not paying much attention to the hurried yells, and registering another guard coming into the lobby, walking up behind him. 

Now that was worrisome. Why did he have to come up from behind? Bucky tried to turn around, but they held him tightly. Why wasn't he allowed to--? Did they know he could kill all three of them? He tried turning again, and that's when the third guard clapped a hand on his shoulder from behind, needle sliding into his throat. Sedative.

He told himself it was okay, not to fight the man off. They were afraid. They had reason to be. He could end their lives easily. Bucky gave up, allowing the substance to be injected into his neck, room spinning around him, legs going weak. He slumped down to his knees, and they let him drop down on the floor. The pain in his right shoulder dulled with the drug spreading through his system. Basic sedative, he decided. Pierce had it used on him multiple times.  
It was there, laying on the floor of the lobby, cheek pressed to the floor with more guards flooding into the room and booming voices yelling back and forth in panics that he decided anything that they could do to him would be better thank HYDRA. Anything. 

The room twirled out of focus and blackness flooded his mind; a blissful peace.

*

The first time he woke up was a few moments later and guards had been trying to get him in a chair. A chair. Not a chair. The image of the crackling blue electricity danced behind his eyes and he thrashed against the men holding onto him. One shouted to the other to inject more sedative. He kept thrashing, slamming a shoulder into one guard. He registered a crack and a pained noise. Collarbone probably. 

He wasn't trying to hurt anyone, he needed their attention.

"Easy there, buddy," One guard said, needle slipping into his neck again. That's when he realized the hot tears burning in his eyes and sliding down his cheeks and he bucked again, eyes locked on the chair. Tremors tore through him, making it hard to stand. 

"Please," He choked out, room growing dark again. "Please not the chair. I'll be good. I'll be good. I'll be..." Blackness flowed over him again, and he crumpled to the floor. 

*

Tony Stark was not prepared. He hadn't actually gotten around to deciding what he'd do when Caps version of Tobor showed up. A psychotic killer version of Tobor. I mean, it's not like they distributed guides titled What To Do When The Killer Of Your Parents Shows Up.

He had been working in the lab when JARVIS had informed him. 

SIR, I HAVE SOME NEWS FOR YOU, He had said. 

"Little busy right now, J," Tony had answered from underneath a ruby red Comoro. 

I BELIEVE THIS IS MORE URGENT THAN YOU THINK, SIR. I HAVE ALREADY CONTACTED MISS. POTTS. SHE IS ON HER WAY HERE NOT TO PREVENT ANY RASH DECISIONS YOU MAY MAKE. SHE WILL BE HERE WITHIN THE HOUR.

That had gotten his attention. He slid out of under the car, curious expression with a touch of annoyance. What could it be this time? He sighed, sitting up and rubbing one eye. It was coming up on his 48th hour of consciousness . Not the longest, and not the shortest either.  
"What we got?" 

SERGEANT BARNES IS CURRENTLY DETAINED ON ONE OF OUR OBSERVATION ROOMS. 

"Who the hell is--wait, Barnes? As in Bucky Barnes, Cap's boyfriend? The cyborg?"

YES, THAT'S HIM, SIR. THE WINTER SOLDIER.

"When you say detained..?"

THERE IS A LIVE VIDEO FEED GOING, DO YOU WISH FOR ME TO PLAY IT?

"Hit me with it." The holographic video feed of the room was opened up in the middle of the room. Tony walked up to it. The murderer of his parents were laying on the bed, not the restraint chair, unconscious. "Why isn't he in the chair?"

SERGEANT BARNES WENT INTO A STATE SIMILAR TO YOUR ANXIETY ATTACKS UPON BEING DIRECTED TO BE SEATED. 

Tonys blood went cold. "An anxiety attack? You sure about that?" Assassins didn't have anxiety attacks...right?

YES, SIR. HE DISPLAYED ELEVATED HEART RATE, DESIRE TO REMOVE HIMSELF FROM THE POSSIBLE SOURCE OF ATTACK, CRYING, SYMPTOMS SIMILAR TO THE ONES YOU OFTEN EXPERIENCE, SIR. 

"Shut it. Keep him sedated. Run a scan. On all of him." God only knows how much of a weapon that guy is. 

RIGHT, AGENT COULSON AND FURY HAVE BEEN NOTIFIED AND ARE EN ROUTE...AGENT COULSON HAS JUST ARRIVED NOW, ACTUALLY.

"Fury? As in...eyepatch guy? Isn't he supposed to be like...six feet under?as well as Agent?" Jesus Christ, what is this, The Walking Dead? But then again, is it even that surprising? This is a pretty screwy life he had going here. What's next, Thor riding in on his unicorn making out with Loki? 

I WOULD LIKE TO LEAVE THE EXPLAINING TO THEM, SIR, SEEING AS HOW I DO NOT POSSES ALL THE DETAILS MYSELF. COULSON WISHES TO SPEAK WIT YOU. 

Tony sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "I'll meet up with him. Who's contacting Cap?" 

I CAN IF YOU WISH--

"No. Hold off, actually. Not yet."

IF YOU BELIEVE THAT IS BEST. AGENT COULSON IS PRESENTLY WITH SERGEANT BARNES. 

"Got it." He took a deep breath. Confronting the killer of your parents. Greaaaat. Fun stuff, Tony thought as he made his way to the room, where sure enough, Coulson was standing and looking through the one way glass window they had for ease of observation. The room where they were keeping...him. Tony bit his lip, walking up slowly.

His father and him had never been that close. Tony could make a mile long list of the causes of his daddy issues, in fact. His mother had tried her best, though. He felt like... In some way, looking at the killer would do justice for his parents. But...at the same time...if this guy had been the puppet everyone said he was...did he even know he'd done it? Tony took a deep breath, looking through the window. 

*

The second time he woke up, he didn't know where he was, jerking up quickly, heart pounding. For a moment, he was the soldier again. His eyes darted around the room quickly. White. Clean things. Bed in the middle of the room. Three men. A mirror on the wall. A chair. Not a chair, oh god, please no- 

A pair of hands, pushing him back down on the bed slowly. He resisted, initially, jagged choppy breaths and terrified. Unwashed, greasy hair flopping around as he jerked his head around to take in details of his surroundings.  
"It's okay, we're not HYDRA, deep breaths big guy--" That's right. They weren't HYDRA. They were the good side, this was for Steve. Steve. He made himself focus on the gritty memory of the blonde and he allowed the man to push him back again, another pulling out a syringe again, this time taking his arm.  
"This is a raised dosage. It'll keep you under, long enough for us to get you checked out. Okay?" 

He nodded weakly, gasping for breaths still and working to hold still. The needle slid in and things faded, back to black emptiness. 

*

Tony and Coulson watched him wake up, them smoothly be put back under. It was...something else, that's for sure. 

"He killed my--"

"Did anyone call-" 

They both started at the same time. And Coulson pursed his lips, motioning for Tony to speak. 

"He killed my parents." 

Coulson nodded, like he was expecting to hear this. Of course this would be a problem. It was Tony Stark. 

"Tony--" 

"Don't you 'Tony' me, Agent," His voice shook a bit. His arms were crossed, jaw set. 

"Just...listen. A great man once said: You're blaming the gun, not the person who pulled the trigger." That dumbfounded Tony. Was it really like that--? No. It couldn't be. Well... It did make sense... HYDRA did do some freaky stuff to him, word had it. Like that arm. He'd seen pictures of him before. That was most certainly a HYDRA creation. Jesus. 

Tony stepped back from the window, hand running through his hair and giving a brief nod. He wasn't ready to welcome the guy who killed his--no, let's not get used to referring to him like that--Barnes with open arms, but he was willing to think it over. Think over how it wasn't his fault. Tony knew a thing or two about torture. Being forced to do things against your will. Back in Afghanistan.. The water boarding.. He knew what it was like, in a way.  
Coulson was able to come to the conclusion he would no longer be a threat by watching Tony's body language, and nodded back to him. 

"What, uh..." Tony made himself look at Coulson, swallowing and trying to refocus his attention. "What were you going to say?" The subject change proved it. He wasn't on board, but he was willing to consider. 

"I was going to say," Coulson's eyes wandered back to the window, where some doctor men were moving the hospital like bed with Bucky on it in to an attached room out of sight, behind a sliding metal door, like an elevator. "Did anyone call Rogers?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The "great man" Coulson is quoting is Cap in the comics. Bare with me, this is my first marvel fic... Feel free to drop by my tumblr: www.iiironman.tumblr.com ... Credits go to my sister for beta-ing this chapter without even knowing Marvel, and also credits to my very own Stevie for helping me write Steve, JARVIS, and Coulson. Go you guys. Stevie can be found on tumblr at www.brooklyns-boy.com ... That's all for now! Hugs for all you lovely readers <3


	2. When The Ceilings Keep Getting Higher

It was Coulson, who took the initiative to call Steve. He had nothing else to do, after scheduling the psychological evaluation that was to take place after the operations. They had scanned Barnes and found that he had several tracking devices located in him. One in his forearm, one in his left foot, another in the base of his back, and a detonator in the back of his neck. With the advanced medical technology they could borrow from Shield, they should have him healed up pretty quickly. Forty hours until they'd have the wounds closed, with the accelerated healing. Less, if the hypothesis he had his own accelerated healing was true. 

That prediction was made by Doctor Banner, of course, after getting a look at him while he was still unconscious. He was on stand by to explain the operations to Bucky when he next woke up, to clear it with him. Originally, they were just going to go through with the operation without Barnes' consent, but Banner argued against it. They probably took his free will from enough back with Hydra, he had said. 

All of this would be easier if they could move him to SHIELD itself but Fury had forbade it. They were to keep this under raps as long as they could without the press finding out, to delay an uproar. People knew how lethal Barnes was, and people knew he was a killer. People would want justice. 

Coulson had prepared to make the call, despite the fact Steve was on a mission. Natasha, Barton, and Wilson with him, Natasha having insisted on going even after the bullet recently being removed from her shoulder. Coulson didn't know what it was about, Natasha and Barnes, but it seemed like they both had accelerated healing, despite lacking the serum that pumped through Steve. 

Steve answered on the third ring, obviously in battle mode, explosions being heard in the back ground. The three had been off in Canada, taking down a lead on a Hydra base that was on the bigger side. Turns out the lead was right, and today was the day they were taking it down. 

"What is it, I'm kind of busy right now!" Steve half shouted. 

"Is the mission near completion?" He asked, voice annoyingly calm. 

"Are you rushing me?! We're working on it Coulson, and-- hang on-" There was a clanging noise, unmistakably the sound of Steve's shield slamming into someone or something hard. "If you must know, I'm almost to the main room, where the leader of this joint is holed up."

"Good, but you should hurry. We need you back at the tower." Coulson was struck with the feeling of déjà vous, remembering being in a similar call with Natasha over Barton being compromised.

"Look, you can't pull me out of this right now." As if quoting it directly. Coulson fought back a smile, pausing, as a few more bangs could be heard. "Okay, courtesy of Natasha, head of this place currently has a bullet in his head." 

"Steve," He made sure he had Steve's attention. 

"What, Coulson, Jesus Christ, what?"

"We've got him."

There was silence on the other end, and then Coulson could hear Natasha's voice asking Steve if he was okay. Cold, disbelief spread through Steve. 

"He--you--what?" He demanded, breaking into a cold sweat. 

"We've got him," Coulson repeated. Steve was silent for a few moments. The only sound being heard over the line was Natasha asking if he was okay again and the sound of Clint asking the same. Sam chimed in as well, but instead was telling Steve to breathe, to take a deep breath. Coulson waited. 

"I--" Steve coughed. "I'm on my way."

*

The third time he woke up slowly, more peacefully, and there was a new guy sitting next to the bed on a stool. The bed was elevated, like a hospital bed. There was an IV, two bags on it. And a heart monitor on one finger. He had woken up attached to more wires in the past. This wasn't new. But who the hell is this guy?

"You're not Steve," He choked out, voice dry and low. The man stifled a smile and looked at Bucky. Everything about him seemed to scream 'doctor' to Bucky, different kind maybe. He seemed kinder, and more fragile. But, Bucky has learned not to judge anyone by how they looked; for anyone could be more powerful than they looked. Either way, he didn't like doctors. 

"That I'm not. I'm Doctor Banner. It's a pleasure to meet you. What would you like me to call you?" Was that a trick question? Was he meant to answer with The Asset, or Winter Soldier? Dr. Banner must have sensed the confusion and hesitation, because he smiled again, a bit reproachful. "Would James be acceptable?" Bucky glanced at him, biting his lip, and looking down at his lap. His hair fell to shield his face, and he gave a weak nod. 

"Okay then, James. I'm here to ask your permission for a few operations Shield would like to do." Operations? Bucky stiffened, not looking up. Operations were never fun, but this wasn't his choice, right? He nodded weakly again. "Wouldn't you like to know what they are first? It is your choice after all." Again, he found himself wondering if this was a trick and he looked up slowly. Dr. Banner was holding up a big folder, eyebrows raised questioningly as he pushed up his glasses with one hand. 

"Would you like to see these? They're X-Rays." A nod. Dr. Banner took them out, one at a time. "You have a tracker implanted here...here...and here." The trackers looked like bumpy white lumps on the paper. He nodded. "And, on the back of your neck there's a detonator. Do you know what that is?"  
"Makes stuff explode," Bucky said, knees pulling up to his chest. Bruce smiled again, a bit sadly, and nodded. 

"That's right. So is it okay if we take these things out of you? You won't feel a thing, James." That stalled him for a moment. Then again, he'd heard that one before too. He nodded again. "I need to hear you say it, James."

"Okay, do the operations." Dr. Banner lit up with a smile, but not the mean kind he was used to on doctors. 

"Okay. We'll get started as soon as we're done talking, okay? Do you have any questions?" Did he? Yes.

"Steve?"

"Will be here soon, James. Right now, it's important we do these operations. Afterwords were going to have a different type of doctor come in and talk to you, okay?" Bucky nodded. "This doctor is a psychologist. Do you know what that means?" 

"A head doctor, to see if I'm crazy." Dr. Banner stifled a laugh. 

"Yes, that's right. Are you ready for us to get started?" 

"Yes." He nodded again. His voice sounded robotic to his own ears. 

"Alright." Dr. Banner got up, walking to the IV bags and flipping a switch. Bucky watched as a liquid flowed down the tube, into his hand where the needle was taped, and again sleepiness washed over him. 

"Steve?" He asked again, leaning back and relaxing. 

"Soon, James. He'll be here soon." 

*

Steve was there soon, about four hours later, he made his way into the the font desk panic and determination written across his features. Mostly determination. He was panicking on the inside, like any good superhero does. Keeping the nerves under raps. Natasha, Clint, and Sam were at his heels, as he stomped along. Fury had left not too long ago, having to go back to business before someone suspected something was up. Either with him being recently not-dead or Coulson being recently not-dead or the ex-assassin. The lady at the front desk looked up when they went in. "He's here for Barnes," Natasha said, jerking a chin in Steve's direction. 

"Third floor, observation med room," She said quickly. Steve nodded a thank you, walking quickly to the elevator and pushing the elevator up button I'm rapid succession. Why was everything so slow? He needed to get to Bucky! Behind him, Natasha was telling Clint and Sam to head to the rec room, telling them shed meet them there later. 

"Steve needs to be alone, but Steve's also a massive idiot and might do something stupid. So I'm going to watch him," She said. 

"This has nothing to do with the ruck he put in your shoulder, does it?" Sam asked, raising his eyebrows. She made a face at him. 

"Nat, he's got a point. Maybe you should come with me? Sam can watch him," Clint said. Natasha frowned at him. Steve was pushing the button quickly still, elevator taking its own sweet time it seemed. 

"Clint-"

"Nat." He crossed his arms and set his jaw. "Let Sam take this one. Up you can't strain your shoulder anymore than you already are." She gaped at him. How did he know it was hurting? Damn it, Clint. He always could read her well...

"Fine," She grumbled, letting Clint lead her away. Sam walked up behind Steve as the elevator doors opened. He let In first and let him repeatedly push the three button until the doors shut. 

"Steve-" 

"Sam, I don't want to hear it."

"Yeah, you might not want to, but you have to hear it. He might not know who you are. You have to recognize that as a possibility." Sam put a hand on Steve's shoulder, making him look at him. 

"I know." There was something about those two words that screamed he has to. Sam nodded. That'd have to be good enough for now. He let his hand drop and nodded as the doors opened and Steve made a beeline to the observation med room, Coulson and Bruce standing outside and smiling at him as he walked up. The two went about greetings, but Steve interrupted, leaning around them to look in the window at an empty room. 

"Where is he?"

"Steve--" Coulson tried to get his attention, but that was not an obtainable thing right now. 

"I need to see him." Steve made an attempt to go in. Coulson blocked the door.

"Steve--" 

"I need to see him," Steve growled, trying to seem intimidating. "And if you don't move yourself, I'll move you." Sam's hand shot out, on Steve's shoulder as he stepped up next to him. 

"Steve." This time it was Bruce. All eyes turned to him. "He's in surgery."

"What the hell for? What are you doing to him? I'm going in there, move."  
Bruce raised his eyebrows, a tic he had to show he was getting irritated. That made Steve more annoyed. Go ahead Bruce, play that card. He'll fight the Hulk to get through. He didn't care.

"Hey man, take deep breaths," Sam said, squeezing Steve's arm lightly in an attempt to ground him. Steve frowned at each one of them. Bruce took the chance to explain further. 

"He's in surgery to remove trackers and a detonator that Hydra put in him." Steve relaxed, taking a step back. 

"Okay...okay. I'm sorry. You're right." Sam clapped a hand on his back. Crisis adverted. Thank god. 

"The operations should be done within the next hour," Coulson offered.  
"Then I can see him?"

"Technically. They'll move him back to this room." He gestured to the observation room. "But after the operation, we'll have him speak to a psychologist to determine your friends mental stability. Then you may see him." Steve leaned against the wall, sighing and nodding. 

"Yeah. Okay. Thank you."

"Until then, why don't you go take care of yourself? Shower, change clothes, get some food in you?" Sam said, raising is eyebrows. Steve nodded. He wanted to be there and take care of Bucky as much as he could, but he couldn't do that if he didn't take care of himself as well. Besides, the Bucky he remembered would smack him upside the head for not doing so.  
*  
*  
When The Asset woke up after the surgery, he was still in the operating room. They hadn't moved him out yet. He flexed muscles in the areas operated on. Wow. What did they do, glue the wounds shut? He couldn't detect a pull of stitches anywhere, just some stinging. Hmm. Interesting. His hair was pulled up in a little hair tie, or something. It wasn't touching his neck, but he felt the weight of it. Clothes? Some pair of medical shorts. 

The outfit he war here, hoodie, hat, dark cargo pants, boots...gone. Big surprise there. He was laying on his stomach, and a cool hand brush over the base of his neck. Threat. Threat. Annihilate threat. 

He rolled off the bed, grabbing the offending arm and twisting to the point of a near break. He snarled. The doctor was unfamiliar. He hated doctors. Doctors did bad things. Without asking. Because they didn't care. He was supposed to do what the doctor wanted. 

"Please, please don't..." The doctor was shaking, eyes wide. He furrowed his eyebrows, infuriated and confused and a little bit scared-- The doctor. The doctor was scared. Well he goddamn should be. The Winter Soldier was a threat. He was to be feared. 

Wait. 

It all came rushing back, in one big blow and he let go. The tower. Steve. Seeing Steve. The other doctor. Banner. His head rushed, and he let go of he doctor, stomach flipping. He dropped down on his knees, they were shaking too bad. One hand metal hand braced his fall forward, other bracing his stomach as he puked up the bile in his stomach. That always burns, no matter how many times you've done it. But he didn't care, pain was barely even and afterthought. He looked up, seeing a needle handing off the side of he bed. 

Okay, so there was an IV. A glance down at his hand confirmed that he had one in, tape still on it. "My name is Doctor Jacobs. Your surgery is complete, but I recommend resting for a while.." He had an accent, British. When Bucky stood up shakily, some hair in his face, he looked at the doctor. Okay, why was he still trying to help? Bucky could've just ripped off his arm! Didn't he know how dangerous the Winter Soldier was? Clearly he didn't. The doctor offered a smile. Bucky felt the need to apologize. A reflex. 

"I'm sorry, I won't--" 

"Ah, don't worry, Mr. Barnes. It's okay." That was an order, not to worry, so he kept his mouth shut. But he did worry, and wanted to apologize again but that was back talk. Also not allowed. "Mr. Rogers is eager to see you, but I regret to inform you there is one more step in this process before he is allowed in." Buckys heart sank, a bit, but then his throat constricted with nerves. "You must speak with a psychologist." Bucky nodded. The other man had told him about this. Dr. Banner. He'd just forgotten. That happens sometimes. Details fall out of his brain, now and again. 

"How about we put the IV back in?" Bucky nodded his consent, missing Dr. Banner. He was a decent doctor. This guy was nice but...confusing. After lash outs, there was supposed to be punishments. But this guy wasn't even angry. He frowned lightly, but nodded again and gritted his teeth as the doctor put needle back in. Bucky struggled to stay still. This was to see Steve. All of it was leading up to seeing him. "I'll go get the psychologist now, yes? It may be a few minutes before she makes it in." 

Bucky nodded. "Okay," He said, raspy voice. The doctor left through a door with a big mirror next to it, and Bucky furrowed his eyebrows. One way glass? He saw no other reason for a mirror to be in here. He noted stubble on his face, despite having shaved...what was it, three days ago? Well...if it was that long the stubble made sense. He frowned. Okay, back to the mirror. If it was one way glass, it occurred to him someone could be watching him right now. He tilted his head, wondering if anyone was out there looking back at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates won't usually come this fast, seeing as how I have such a wonky schedule. I don't always have wifi. So if I have wifi, and there's something to post, I can guarantee it'll go up. The chapter title is a quote from Watsky, a pretty damn good guy if I do say so myself. It's from a poem called Sixteen that he wrote. Thanks again to my very own Stevie, for giving me a hand. Check them out on tumblr at www.brooklyns-boy.tumblr.com. I'm on tumblr too: www.iiironman.tumblr.com ... And thank you for reading!


	3. Tentacles and Anchors

Steve watched Bucky, standing on the other side of the one way glass, his hand pressed to it, other over his mouth. Bucky looked back at him. Or so it seemed. His eyes weren't exactly focused, but it was like Bucky looking at him in a way. Calm. No fear in his eyes, no rage. Just a hint of curiosity, one eyebrow slightly razed with feet kicking lightly off the side of the bed. 

A women in a dark red turtle neck, ID badge, and long brown hair walked up to him, disrupting his reverie. "Hi, Captain. I'm Elizabeth. I've been given the job of being Mr. Barnes' psychologist, or therapist, what-have-you. It's an honor to meet you." She offered a hand, warm smile. 

Steve had to admit, she seemed nothing like a shrink. Bucky would probably appreciate that. He shook her hand, smiling. 

"Pleasure's all mine, ma'am," He added what he hoped was a charming smile, but the women seemed to see right to his soul so he quickly dropped it when she raised an unimpressed eyebrow. 

"How long have you been here?" She asked. 

"Since I got back from my mission so...a while." Steve sighed. "How long do you think it's going to take? I just want to see him..properly. Not behind glass, like he's some kind of animal-" The anger Steve was feeling must be becoming obvious, because Elizabeth put a hand on his forearm. 

"Shh. Listen to me. I'm just going in there to ask him some basic questions, introduce myself. Then, at request of the higher ups, I am to ask him for the locations of any HYDRA bases he knows of." Steve nodded slowly, running a hand through his hair. "So a half hour at most. That's standard. No special treatment that I wouldn't give my other patients here. Most sessions are only that long to begin with. Can you wait here now without breaking down the door, you think?" She smiled, the same big, warm one she first gave. 

He nodded. "Yes ma'am." She patted his arm again, tucking her clipboard under her arm and going in to the room, using a card to unlock it. It was like a hotel door, she noted, and wow that was neat. 

*

Bucky looked over to the door when the women entered in the red, tensing up and pulling his knees to his chest, sliding back on the bed a bit. The lady walked up, warm smile.  
"Hello, I'm Elizabeth." Bucky didn't answer. She had a clip board in her hands. Shrink? Yeah, probably. "What would you like me to call you?" That confused him. 

"They didn't tell you my name?" His eyebrows crinkled together and he looked up at her, grip on his knees loosening. 

"They gave me a file, yeah. But that's not what I asked. I asked what you'd like to be called." Her warm smile didn't fade. Bucky's eyes searched her face for some sign of anger, disgust, any hint of a threat. But he came up empty. That didn't mean there wasn't one...

"...James." He kept his eyes locked on her face, constantly looking for signs, warnings, and tells. Documenting her. She nodded smiling. 

"It's an honor, James." She sat in a stool near the bed, smiling again before clicking her pen open. "Do you know where you are?"

"The Tower." He leaned forward to see what Elizabeth was scrawling. She copied down his words. "You're copying my words."

"Yes, I am, is that okay?" She raised her eyebrows, pushing her hair behind her ear. 

"I guess so." Bucky nodded. 

"Can you tell me why you came here?" This was like a test. Not the bad kinds that got punishments. The ones in school. Or at least he thought school was like this. 

"Steve."

"You came here for Captain Rogers?" 

Bucky nodded, she scribbled it down. 

"Why?" 

That made him get quiet, for what seemed like a long time. Later he'd find out he hadn't answered for a whole fifteen minutes as he had been thinking it over. 

"I wanted to..." He trailed off. 

"You wanted to what?" She prompted, leaning forwards, pen tapping her chin. Her eyes were welcoming, open. 

"I wanted to be with him. I wanted to see him again. I still do. Where is he?" That might just be the most he's said since he got here, but he couldn't even dwell on it.

"He's right behind that glass still, I'd bed." Bucky's lips parted and he looked at the one way glass in mild surprise, eyes wide. So Steve was on the other side? He raised a hand slowly, his real hand, and gave a little wave. Maybe Steve would like that? He didn't care. He wanted to see Steve. Now. 

"Can I see him?" Bucky looked back to Elizabeth. 

"Not quite yet, I still have a few questions." He sighed but nodded for her to continue. 

"Does anyone know you're here?" Bucky bit his lip, shrugging. 

"I dunno... The doctors took out the trackers, so now no one can find me. I mean, I don't even know who owns me anymore." Elizabeth blinked quickly, mildly concerned expression. "What?" 

"James, you belong to yourself. No one owns you but yourself right now." Bucky bit his lip and nodded again. "One more question for now, then you may see Captain Rogers." Buckys eyes widened and he nodded eagerly. "How many HYDRA bases do you know the locations of?" His jaw tightened and he though for a moment. 

"A few..." She smiled widely, like this was just the answer she was looking for. Elizabeth folded the top paper back, holding it out to Bucky.

"Can you write them down?" She raised an eyebrow, a perfectly arched one at that. 

He hesitated before taking it and leaning it on his knees. Bucky looked up at her, biting his lip. He could feel her eyes burning into him. It was distracting. She looked to the side and Bucky let out a small exhale of relief. That's when he realized he didn't know where they were. 

"Uhm."

She looked back at him. "Yes?" 

"I don't know exactly where they are..."

"Can you describe as much as you know about the places?" Bucky chewed at the inside of his lower lip and nodded, getting to work. He scrawled down where the last few might be, giving brief descriptions of the areas around. Weather, buildings, accents, native languages. Mostly just English and Russian, from what he could vaguely recall. But he knew he could speak some Spanish, and at one point Hungarian. The Hungarian is gone now, he doesn't remember it. 

He held the clipboard back out to her and she smiled warmly again. 

"Very good." He offered his own little shaky smile and slowly loosened up his knees a bit.

"Steve?" 

"Yes, Bucky. I'll go get him for you now, okay?" 

"Please."

"Of course." Elizabeth gave one more smile before going out the door. 

He decided just maybe he would trust this women. 

*

Steve practically jumped on her. "Now? Now can I?" 

"Just one moment Captain. I have a recommendation. You should avoid talking about anything he's gone through. Not yet. Not until we know how he'd react. That's not what he needs." Elizabeth pushed her hair behind her ear, offering a warm smile to Steve who turned back to the window. His eyebrows were tugged together, wistful sad look in his eyes. Bucky never needed any of this. 

"What does he need?" He made himself look back at Elizabeth, who put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed lightly. 

"A friend. You, Captain. He needs you. Take him to your floor here. Keep him sheltered, away from Mr. Stark for now. But most of all, be patient, and be there." Steve's heart flooded with a warm feeling, some tension leaving his shoulders. Finally, something he could actually do. "Now get in there," she jerked her chin to the door subtly. Steve reached for the door handle as she turned to go. 

"Oh, Doctor. One more thing?" 

"Yes?" 

"Thank you." His tone dripped with gratitude and she nodded. 

"Anytime." She grinned and headed off. Steve took a deep breath, pushing the door open. 

*  
Bucky looked up when the door shut behind Steve, two sets of blue eyes meeting. Steve's were desperate, searching, almost begging for some sign that Bucky would remember him. Sure, doctors said he asked for him, but it was all leading up to this. Bucky's eyes were slightly wide, afraid. Steve's stomach twisted when he realized the fear was directed at him. 

"Bucky? Do you know who I am?"

Bucky bit down hard on his ill and nodded, eyes dropping from Steve's. 

"Okay. Good. Do you want to get out of here?" Leaning to the side, Steve could see Bucky's eyebrows draw together. "I have a floor all to myself here. Do you want me to take you there?" 

A gravely, deep voice answered back. "Okay." 

And that was enough for Steve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter title is a reference to Ned Vizzini's book It's Kind Of A Funny Story. Amazing book, check it out if you get the chance. It has a movie rendition, but like most book to movie renditions, it blew. Check out the book. Thanks to my Stevie and thank you for reading!! Stevie can be found on tumblr at www.brooklyns-boy.tumblr.com and I can be found at www.iiironman.tumblr.com
> 
> Please, feel free to comment. Readers input is my field to write.


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